"Well, all things considered it's been a good war. Admittedly I didn't much want to be here. What could Agamemnon have expected, really? I didn't particularly want to leave Penelope, and our son Telemachus was just a babe in arms when they showed up to recruit me. Normally I could have found a way out of it, I even plowed my fields with salt in an effort to convince the men who had come to take me off that I had gone insane. But Palamedes, Agamemnon's brother, had the bright idea to put my boy in front of the plow...and I couldn't run over my son, so there went that ruse. Bloody Palamedes. When oracles all tell you that if you go to war you aren't going to see home for ten years AFTER the war ends (never mind the time that the war itself takes), then it isn't an easy thing to just pick up and leave. A king has responsibilities to his family and people along with other kings.
Anyway, I am Odysseus, king of Ithaca. And I'm a long, long way from home, fighting in a long, long war that I didn't even want to have a part in, all because a friend talked me into it (and because said friend's brother is an arsehole.)"
___________________________
But, I digress. On to Achilles.
Achilles was little more than a boy when all this started. Apparently his mother (a nymph called Thetis: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thetis) had learned that he would be killed if he came to war, and thus had the idea to dress him up as a girl and hide him on the island of Scryos. And they say I'm tricky! Never fool with a mother protecting her child! I'd already been dragged reluctantly out of Ithaca, and we knew that Achilles was somewhere on the island of Scryos, but we didn't know who he was. Then I had an idea. Dressed up as a merchant, I went to the castle and spread out a selection of merchandise. Mostly it was ladies' things, cosmetics and distaffs and silks and the like...except for a sword and a shield. When one of the ladies let out a very unladylike whoop and seized the weapons up, it was fairly obvious that this was a lad dressed up, rather than a maid. So it was that Achilles came to Troy with the Greeks to make war.
(Can't say as I blame Peleus for marrying her, golden apple disaster or no)
Given that I was more or less responsible for Achilles being here in the first place, I felt it was my responsibility to try and keep things smooth between Agamemnon and Achilles. It was going all right until this mess with the maidens began. Apparently this girl that Agamemnon had claimed was the daughter of the priest of Apollo, and the priest was none too pleased to have his daughter gone. Judging by the plague he dropped on our men, Apollo was none too pleased either, and eventually it was decided that Agamemnon had to render the girl (Chryseis by name) back to her father. So who gets to take the girl back, along with all the sacrificial offerings to appease the upset god? Yes, that would be me. Thankfully the return of his daughter and the sacrifices pleased the priest, and he entreated his god to remove the plague from the Achaeans. But because nothing is simple with these men, that was not the end of it. Agamemnon decided he wanted to show Achilles just who was in command by taking Achilles' maiden Briseis for his own to replace the maid I returned to her father. Needless to say, Achilles was upset and decided he had enough of Agamemnon, staying in his camp and refusing to fight.
Not that this was a deterrent to Agamemnon, who got it in his head that we could take Troy with a direct attack. So his men were gathered, but then he tells them that they are returning to Greece instead of attacking. And he had the audacity to be surprised when they quite happily headed for their ships! But Athena appeared before me and asked me to call them back, so in order to remind them why they were here, I gave them a few humble words...by which I mean to say that I cajoled, encouraged, and bullied the fellows until they fell back into line. We had after all made a vow not to give up our efforts until this damned city fell, and the fellows seemed to need a bit of a reminder.
Then things went from bad to worse. That hotheaded brother of Agamemnon, Menelaus, decided that this would be a good time to challenge any Trojan who felt up to the task to single combat. Understandably Menelaus is a bit chapped, as it was his wife that the Trojan kid Paris took off with. Not too sure what happened on the Trojan side, but word around the campfire is that Hector, Paris' older brother and the greatest warrior the Trojans have, really let the kid have it for being a craven. So the kid slinks out and offers to duel Menelaus to finally and completely settle who should be Helen's husband. Which would have worked out great for everyone if there hadn't been some sideline interference...namely, from Olympus. Pretty as you like, Paris just vanished from the fight right as Menelaus was about to spear him, and after a hunt for the kid by both sides was still nowhere to be found. There was some debate about who had one the duel, which was just getting good when someone fired an arrow at Menelaus. Just like that, the game was back on.
Not that the war isn't glorious, but I'm going to be glad when this is over.
No comments:
Post a Comment