Injury to Insult

Mental note to self: Thou shall not screw around with an angry Achilles.

Things finally came to a head, and Achilles met the great Trojan warrior Hector head on. The battle was all one could expect and more, a clash of mortals so bright and godlike that Olympus itself must have stood in awe. Forgive me, it is not like me to wax poetic. But this was a beauty of a fight, make no mistake about it.

There he was: Hector, alone, the only Trojan outside the walls of Troy. His father pitifully calling for him to retreat but he stoically refuses. Have to admire the man...Hector, that is. He knew he'd screwed up by telling the Trojans to camp outside the gates and wasn't going to be gutless enough to retreat himself.





Then with the running. Three times around the city, the running. I don't know if Hector thought he could wear Achilles out, but it didn't work. Fourth time around, and Achilles manages to get a spear through Hector. Not very bright, wearing Achilles' old armor. I mean, who is going to know its' weak points better than the original owner?

Knowing his race is run (pun only a little intended) Hector asks for his body to be returned for burial to his family. Now this is where the 'Thou shall not screw with Achilles' comes in. Not only does he not return Hector's body, the lunatic ties it to his chariot and drags it around the city!

He stops his foray into corpse abuse long enough to hold funeral games for poor Patroclus, who had gone unburied all this time while Achilles was wreaking havoc. Diomedes won a hotly contested chariot race, good on him! Patroclus was seen decently laid to rest, and Achilles started eating again. Still not with the bathing, though. Ugh.

This went on for a total of twelve days. Twelve days of seeing that body (which was not putrefying in the sun and elements; the gods again, I can only think) bounce along behind Achilles' chariot. The matter was finally laid to rest in more ways than one when the got Hermes apparently guided Priam and a chariot full of treasure into camp and into Achilles' presence to plead for the return of Hector's body. Whatever he said, it worked. I understand both men wept and Achilles allowed Priam to rest in his tent. However, quite intelligently, Priam slipped back off to Troy in the night with his son's body.

The Trojans had a reprieve of ten days, during which time they prepared the pyre and held Hector's funeral. I couldn't help but feel a little grief myself. He was a decent man, for all that he was a Trojan. He was a hero.

I watched the smoke from the pyre for a long time.

Another Dawn

The sun came up this morning, and I was still in a world of hurt. All I can think is that I hope now that Achilles is back with a vengeance, he harpoons the bloody Trojan who nailed me if Ajax hasn't done it already. This smarts. Worse, it's starting to itch. The healer says that means it's mending but I think it's a punishment...it's not as though the god of medicine is exactly our side's biggest fan right now. Never know when another plague is going to drop.

Anyway, Achilles came lumbering along the seashore rousing the men to conference, so over the healer's objections Diomedes and I propped ourselves up using spears as makeshift crutches and hobbled over to join the men in our accustomed places. Achilles and Agamemnon officially buried the hatchet, with much gift giving and shows of goodwill. Agamemnon even gave Briseis back, swearing up and down that he had not touched the girl. I think it helps though that now Achilles badly wants to kill Trojans and Agamemnon wants him to kill Trojans, so it made it all very simple. Achilles even has some wicked new armor, and he wanted to go test it out without even letting the men get breakfast. I managed to talk him into letting the soldiery eat, but the damn fool wouldn't touch a crumb himself. He's too full of his hate, I think, to force anything else down. Instead he sat all mournful, strolling down memory lane. He misses that Patroclus kid something fierce. Even his girl is upset. Anyway, once breakfast was finished he slams on that shiny new armor and goes out to kill things.

No one can say he didn't tear the battlefield up once he got out there. He didn't slow down till a Trojan named Aeneas offered him single combat, and then he only drew a breath to hurl insults at the man. He was not pleased when Aeneas was snatched away (the gods again! Why do we even bother?) and went on another rampage. Finally Hector himself came out and Achilles was apparently administering an epic beatdown when Hector got snatched away too. This is really getting old, this business of men disappearing off the battlefield. It's nothing short of foul play.

This is where things get crazy. I can only relate what happened secondhand, and what I could piece together from the wounded, but apparently Achilles killed so many people that he dammed the river with them, and the river god damn near killed him. But he managed to survive--divine intervention yet again. I seriously dislike being a chew toy for immortals. I don't know how Achilles stands it. But he did manage to kill a nice handful of Trojan princes and send the rest of their army scampering back into the city walls. I wonder what will happen next.

A Great Loss

I ... can't even think of anything clever to say. This was a disaster, pure and simple. And I couldn't even do anything about it, since I had a pike wound in my side the size of Tyre. Not that I think that I could have done much.

Poor Patroclus. He was a good kid, even if I did half wonder why he and Achilles were as tight as they were. Oh well, Achilles wouldn't be the first man of rank to favor a young good-looking officer. But the kid, showing an amazing amount of either courage or stupidity, asked Achilles if he could go out to battle wearing Achilles' armor, so our boys would *think* Achilles was back fighting again and morale would go back up. Not a bad idea all told, but it backfired. The worst happened. Patroclus, the favorite of Achilles and his closest companion, was actually doing quite well. The Trojans were beaten back from the ships, and were temporarily routed. I and everyone else was heartened.

Then it all just kind of curdled.

Next thing, I'm hearing that Patroclus is dead, killed by Hector when Apollo stuck his divine nose in again. And this after Hector, thinking Achilles had taken the field, tried to duck out twice! It just doesn't bloody seem fair. Ha! As if war is ever fair.

(Patroclus and Achilles)

Well, needless to say Achilles went batshit. I heard his scream all the way in the healers' tent. To add insult to injury they apparently stole Achilles' armor off of Patroclus and carried it off, so Achilles' divine mum went to have a new suit of armor made by the gods themselves for Achilles. Apparently the Trojans were still in possession of the kid's body, because another bellow from Achilles sounded through camp and the Trojans scampered off. Thus was Achilles able to recover the remains of his friend, though I hear he has sworn not to bury him until Hector is dead.

This is depressing. I wonder how Penelope is doing with her weaving? The thought of her waiting at home with my son cheers me greatly.

On Agamemnon

(The screwed up family tree of a screwed up man)

Okay, he's my friend. And I do get the fact that he is in an unenviable position, what with having to sacrifice his daughter and having an idiot for a brother whose wife ran off with a man prettier than she was (and yes that is saying something).

But gods be good, every time things look a little grim does he have to start whinging about going back to Greece? I didn't much want to be here--I have a wonderful wife and a son who is practically a man now that I haven't seen since he was a scrap. Yes, I tried to get out of it. But since then I haven't complained. Ajax is still out there busting skulls. Diomedes still out giving that war cry of his--enough to turn my hair as white as Nestor's, and he's on our side! We're all here fighting and bleeding and thumping Trojans to the best of our ability, and he starts in on the "Wanna go back to Greece" bit. This makes, what, three times now?

I admit, I lost it a bit at him this time. But in my defense, I'd taken a hell of a good thumping (to the tune of Big A having to carry me off the battlefield) and had pretty much reached the end of my tether. Called him a coward (among other things) and that he should be leading some small cut rate army and not the best of the Greeks. Apparently some of my tirade hit home, because he actually said that my words had cut him to the heart. I was somewhat mollified but still wouldn't have minded cutting him a few other places, when he has the nerve to say that it's just what the other Greeks want, and to ask anyone. Fortunately Diomedes stepped in and suggested that we attend to the lines and hold to our cause, effectively cutting off Agamemnon's protests. He even went into battle himself for a change.

That is not to say, however, that the fighting went well. In fact, it was pretty bloody disasterous. Most of our best were wounded and all Ajax wanted to do was get another swipe at Hector. That man is like Cerberus with souls in his teeth, he just will not give up. Somewhere though the Trojans were gathering a third wind, and it soon became apparent where they were gathering it from when bloody Apollo comes charging down with them and they beat us all the way back to the ships, tramping down barrier walls and anything else in their way. Big Ajax got to dust it up with Hector again. Trojans nearly made it into the camp, too, but for this archer kid named Teucer who was picking off Trojans like /he's/ Apollo of the golden bow. But, worse luck, his string pops and no more lucky arrows go flying. Damn it all, just when we could have used one in Hector's eye too; that Trojan son of a bitch got close enough to grab the stern of a ship and wouldn't let it go. This gets uglier by the hour.

(And despite what Agamemnon says, I would not have been dead if he hadn't stepped between Ajax and myself.)

Spy Games

Skulking around in the dark is always an adventure, and this time I got to do my skulking with Diomedes. Good man to have on your side if there's treacherous work afoot. Doesn't hurt to have a goddess on your side either, so once we were armored up and ready to go reconn'ing at the Trojan side of life a prayer to Athena certainly seemed like the better part of valor. Better safe than a blood smear on the Trojan sand.

Well, what to our wondering eyes should appear but a shockingly ugly fellow in Trojan armor. Now I am well aware that I am hardly an Adonis, but this guy could have given Thersites a run for his drachmas. Looked as though the Trojans had the same idea that we did, and this was a scout. Bloke says his name is Dolon, and that a whole mess of Thracians just showed up to lend their tricky-fast little Thracian swords to the noble Trojan cause (enter heavy sarcasm here). With this new bit of useful information, Diomedes quite sensibly offs Dolon. Not like we need him reporting back to Hector, after all.

I have to say that the Thracians weren't much of a contest. We took out a dozen or so of them, including their king, and rode his chariot back to camp. A little salt in the wound never goes amiss when the enemy is trying to destroy you.

The high that we were on after the night's adventures quickly gave out on us come morning. The first part of the day was a complete wash, blood flying left right and center, making me wonder just who we had pissed off. Luckily our tide began to turn come afternoon, with Agamemnon strutting about in all his armor and sending the Trojans scampering back for their gates. Then the pretentious bastard manages to get himself wounded and has to leave the battle, giving a nice big opening for Hector to come rolling in. The troops were ready to cut and run, but a little stirring oratory from Diomedes and myself kept them in line. I'm really getting fond of this young soldier, he has a bright future ahead of him.

Then, of course, it all hit the wall. Diomedes manages to dent Hector with a well placed spear but gets an arrow from pretty boy Paris in the process. Guess who that leaves with a mass of angry Trojans? Yep, that would be me. At least I managed to make them stop and think twice about who they were attacking til I took one in the ribs. Luckily that big brute Ajax managed to tote me off the field. I think my pride hurt worse than my side.

I don't remember too much else, being tended for wounds, but from the reports I received the fighting continued (big surprise there). I have to hand it to Hector, the guy is something else as a soldier. he just keeps coming and coming like some sort of war machine. Now if we could get Achilles to stop pouting, I for one would love to see what the two of them could to to each other.

Some Thoughts on Diomedes

This kid is something else, all right. If my boy grows up to be half the leader Diomedes is then I will be one proud papa. I suppose I can't rightly call him 'kid' anymore (sprat, junior, and scooter will all have to go as well) because he has proved himself and more so, having more military experience than men twice his age.

The fellow does of course come from an impressive lineage. His father Tydeus was one of the men to take on Thebes, and when the sons of those men decided to finish the job, our Diomedes was among them. Their group of Epigoni (because they came after what happened, a little hamfisted but clever nonetheless) managed to finish their fathers' work and sacked the hell out of Thebes. Damn impressive, I must say.

(Thebes, where Diomedes made himself)

Anyroad, Diomedes showed up for this conflict with even more ships than I did, and he knows how to use them. This guy has aristeia coming out of his ears, which I suppose explains why he took it upon himself to become the war machine incarnate when Achilles decided to take his toys and go back to his tent. Diomedes fought like a god, which is funny in the sense that he apparently managed to take a chunk out of Aphrodite. The men are whispering that he had some divine help, possibly from Athene. All I can say is I'm glad he's on our side. However, he didn't quite know when to quit. I can't give him too hard a time about that because I know what it's like when you are in the heat of battle and all you want to do is destroy, but sometimes a little sense is helpful. Listening to what a god tells you definitely only takes a little sense to know that it is in your best interests. If Athene says only Aphrodite, she means only Aphrodite. She does NOT mean get into the heat of battle and do something stupid like take a swing at Apollo when the god is trying to remove an injured combatant. Apparently she forgave him though, because some of the boys reported seeing a grey-eyed maid in armor in the chariot with Diomedes later, fighting Trojans at his side.

As I write this, there has been a day of cease-fire declared so that we and the Trojans may both bury our dead. It is temporary, but necessary. The fellows are out building more fortifications for our camp, and those that were lost are being mourned. It's been a heck of a war...now if only we could get Achilles out of his sulk and back into his armor where he belongs, we might be able to get this thing ended.

On Achilles, War, and Other Things...

                                               (Not my best likeness, but Penelope insisted.)

"Well, all things considered it's been a good war. Admittedly I didn't much want to be here. What could Agamemnon have expected, really? I didn't particularly want to leave Penelope, and our son Telemachus was just a babe in arms when they showed up to recruit me. Normally I could have found a way out of it, I even plowed my fields with salt in an effort to convince the men who had come to take me off that I had gone insane. But Palamedes, Agamemnon's brother, had the bright idea to put my boy in front of the plow...and I couldn't run over my son, so there went that ruse. Bloody Palamedes. When oracles all tell you that if you go to war you aren't going to see home for ten years AFTER the war ends (never mind the time that the war itself takes), then it isn't an easy thing to just pick up and leave. A king has responsibilities to his family and people along with other kings.

Anyway, I am Odysseus, king of Ithaca. And I'm a long, long way from home, fighting in a long, long war that I didn't even want to have a part in, all because a friend talked me into it (and because said friend's brother is an arsehole.)"

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But, I digress. On to Achilles.

Achilles was little more than a boy when all this started. Apparently his mother (a nymph called Thetis: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thetis) had learned that he would be killed if he came to war, and thus had the idea to dress him up as a girl and hide him on the island of Scryos. And they say I'm tricky! Never fool with a mother protecting her child! I'd already been dragged reluctantly out of Ithaca, and we knew that Achilles was somewhere on the island of Scryos, but we didn't know who he was. Then I had an idea. Dressed up as a merchant, I went to the castle and spread out a selection of merchandise. Mostly it was ladies' things, cosmetics and distaffs and silks and the like...except for a sword and a shield. When one of the ladies let out a very unladylike whoop and seized the weapons up, it was fairly obvious that this was a lad dressed up, rather than a maid. So it was that Achilles came to Troy with the Greeks to make war.

(Can't say as I blame Peleus for marrying her, golden apple disaster or no)

Given that I was more or less responsible for Achilles being here in the first place, I felt it was my responsibility to try and keep things smooth between Agamemnon and Achilles. It was going all right until this mess with the maidens began. Apparently this girl that Agamemnon had claimed was the daughter of the priest of Apollo, and the priest was none too pleased to have his daughter gone. Judging by the plague he dropped on our men, Apollo was none too pleased either, and eventually it was decided that Agamemnon had to render the girl (Chryseis by name) back to her father. So who gets to take the girl back, along with all the sacrificial offerings to appease the upset god? Yes, that would be me. Thankfully the return of his daughter and the sacrifices pleased the priest, and he entreated his god to remove the plague from the Achaeans. But because nothing is simple with these men, that was not the end of it. Agamemnon decided he wanted to show Achilles just who was in command by taking Achilles' maiden Briseis for his own to replace the maid I returned to her father. Needless to say, Achilles was upset and decided he had enough of Agamemnon, staying in his camp and refusing to fight.

Not that this was a deterrent to Agamemnon, who got it in his head that we could take Troy with a direct attack. So his men were gathered, but then he tells them that they are returning to Greece instead of attacking. And he had the audacity to be surprised when they quite happily headed for their ships! But Athena appeared before me and asked me to call them back, so in order to remind them why they were here, I gave them a few humble words...by which I mean to say that I cajoled, encouraged, and bullied the fellows until they fell back into line. We had after all made a vow not to give up our efforts until this damned city fell, and the fellows seemed to need a bit of a reminder.

Then things went from bad to worse. That hotheaded brother of Agamemnon, Menelaus, decided that this would be a good time to challenge any Trojan who felt up to the task to single combat. Understandably Menelaus is a bit chapped, as it was his wife that the Trojan kid Paris took off with. Not too sure what happened on the Trojan side, but word around the campfire is that Hector, Paris' older brother and the greatest warrior the Trojans have, really let the kid have it for being a craven. So the kid slinks out and offers to duel Menelaus to finally and completely settle who should be Helen's husband. Which would have worked out great for everyone if there hadn't been some sideline interference...namely, from Olympus. Pretty as you like, Paris just vanished from the fight right as Menelaus was about to spear him, and after a hunt for the kid by both sides was still nowhere to be found. There was some debate about who had one the duel, which was just getting good when someone fired an arrow at Menelaus. Just like that, the game was back on.

Not that the war isn't glorious, but I'm going to be glad when this is over.